There shall be showers of blessing...this is the promise of love

There shall be showers of blessings..
this is the promise of love....
there shall be seasons refreshing...
send them upon us oh lord...
showers of blessing...showers of blessings we need...........

This is something i am hearing since my childhood
i am sick of hearing this
i have heard that.."whatever happens happens for good(jo hota hai acche k leye hota hai)"
that true, whatever happens happens for good, acche k leye...but shayad mai to buri hu
bure k leye kuch kyu nae hota
i am now understanding the meaning of jealousy,irritation,impatience...
when we are happy actually happy then only we can be good
good to others and good to ourselves
good to society
but ....
i am not happy
so every now and then i have a fight with someone or the other
and since i have fight with someone or the other i become more unhappy..
i try
try a lot
to be normal
but this is what i am doing since long
i no more want to do it
i want to be the way i am
i actually dont have any specific reason to be happy
and if u r thinking that i have more privilege then many others then i will say that i do thank god for that and do use those abilities of mine for the good of myself and at times others
GOD...good name
he is only faith i must say
or a blind faith
i which i have believed since my birth
he will do everything fine
fine at the end
who is gonna enjoy at the end
after so many sufferings
so much pain
whats the point....... when he can make us miserable for years and years
and then at the end give us what we desire or deserved for
does he really gives us that or do we belive that he has given us
i dont actually know what i am writing...
but i know one thing that i was not writng becoz of this
becoz of this frustation of mine
i knew whenever i will write
i will write such crap(?)
but yes i do feel it that everone has THE right to be happy
and i am among one of the waiting ones.....................